I should not be allowed to stay up late on school nights.

I've been going crazy lately.

My eyes have started freaking on me. I'm having trouble keeping my eyes focused on things. Either I am very, very tired, or my lazy eye is getting worse. It's like my eyes are too tired to work together, so sometimes my eyes just gloss over and I stare straight ahead. And sometimes one eye shifts slightly one way it shouldn't. Or I'm just tired.

I've also been misplacing things that I NEED, or have already put in a logical place [or at least, seemed logical at the time]. I'm usually not a forgetful person, and I usually don't lose stuff. But it seems I've been so careless lately, and I have no idea why. Today I spent a good hour frantically searching my car, my house, and my room for my USB stick. I knew that I had it yesterday - I put it in my purse. BUT IT WAS GONE the next day. And it was driving me crazy, because I KNOW that I put it in my purse. I eventually found it in my backpack. I probably put it in there last night, thinking that I wouldn't have time to go home before I needed to go to the community center to pick up pictures.

_


I think I'm just really, really sleep deprived.

I got to school early one morning, and since the door was locked I sat down on the ground. I rested my head against my hands, closed my eyes, and sort of drifted back to sleepland where I had been so content not an hour ago. I knew people were probably looking at me strangely - probably akin to the looks that passerbys give me when they see me playing my guitar on the driveway in the middle of the night - but I didn't really care. And then I feel a hand, and can sense somebody. It was Andrew. He asked me if I was alright, since I suppose the position I was in could be interpreted as upset. I told him I was tired, with a somewhat surprised tone in my voice, since it was a nice gesture. He gave me a me-sitting-him-crouching hug that was albeit, awkward, but really nice. As he left it reminded me of the time right before I got the stomach flu, during lunch at school. I was sitting on the steps, taking deep breaths, on the verge of tears, when Scott Rong walked by and asked if I was ok. I still have no idea why I was being so emotional that day - probably because I felt awful. Anyways, it was still a nice gesture. And it always catches me off guard when people are nice, for some reason. I have problems with trust, I guess, but that's a whole different story.

Personally, I suck at cheering people up. If people are upset, I never know what to do. Some want to be consoled, others want to be alone. And if I don't know the person that well, I don't know which type they are. And this is the reason that if I see someone I know sitting on the ground looking upset or crying, I usually walk right past them. I've always thought that if they wanted to talk about it, or needed a friend, that they would just ask. But that's really hypocritical, since when I'm upset I'd rather people comfort me without me having to ask.

But nonetheless, it's surprising that people I don't talk to much would be so caring as to walk over, kneel down, and see if everything was alright. Even if I've known them for years, I'm still taken aback.

It's kind of sad that I'm surprised when humanity actually gives a damn.