I had an interesting thought today about time, and how I don't think I would like it if time travel was possible. But I'm too busy to go into detail about that thought. Ask me later, sometime past May 15th.
Today I was also pissed at the world, and got into a yelling at the sky kind of mood. It started during 4th period. I would tell you more about it, but I'm too tired.
CONCLUSION: I am stressed out, and am realizing how little time there is left before annoying things like AP testing and tech week.
I was working on the mound of Calculus packets I have, and was hitting a brick wall. To be fair, it is 10:00, and I am tired. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I figured that if I wasn't going to do homework, I might as well get some rest.
So goodbye internet. I'm going to go watch an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, cozily tucked into my bed, and then drift off to sleep. Hopefully.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I'd like you to meet someone:
(it's not perfect...don't judge me)
Yes, it's a Blueridge like Kevin's, and is pretty much the same size and shape and sounds the same and looks the same, and is basically the same, but it IS a different model. And while part of me feels bad for copying him, part of me doesn't because the guitar I got is a damn good guitar. And I will have it for years and years. So I SHOULD have a guitar I love, and not one I sort of like, but is different enough to ease my conscience. I'm happy with it. So should the rest of the world. I also felt bad because I got it as Starving, and had a guitar on hold over at Showcase. But that was just me being stupid and scared. I came home, called Showcase up, and told them they no longer needed to keep it on hold. Whatever. Hell be damned. I don't care.
This weekend has lasted an enternity, and I'm not sure how. Friday night I went over to Steph's for the night, which probably had something to do with that. Friday blended into Saturday, which was divided up into 3 parts: coming home, going to Showcase with Kevin, and going to Christina's party. Today was also divided up into getting my guitar at Starving, doing odd errands like buying blankets and frames, and then working on Calculus. AP testing makes me hate life. My civics test is a week from TOMORROW, and my calc test is a week from Wednesday. Five tests are just too much. Cannot function. Too much to do. Explode.
Little Women is contributing to that. WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR?! Our set is kind of depressing, because it's poorly designed. Bill is disappoiting. He fell asleep in rehearsal the other day. And he doesn't give acting notes. The closest he comes is when he looks me, and says "Hm...you're almost there, but I'm not getting some of it," after a run through. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? You suck.
As you'll have noticed by my last post, I finally made a decision as to where to go to college. I made it two days before I turned 18. I'm happy with my decision, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. UCSD is a good school too, but I felt like it was the safe choice. I didn't NOT want to go to UCLA because I was too scared to. San Diego offered comfort in the form of Becky - she would be there, and my parents had already done this stuff before. It wasn't new. But as I am growing up and venturing out into the world, I decided to take a risk. UCLA is different and new, and I'm looking forward to learning and growing there over the next four years.
I've decided that you can't force relationships. So I'm not going to try anymore. I'm just going to do what I do, and if you don't like that, to hell, my dear, with you.
Yes, it's a Blueridge like Kevin's, and is pretty much the same size and shape and sounds the same and looks the same, and is basically the same, but it IS a different model. And while part of me feels bad for copying him, part of me doesn't because the guitar I got is a damn good guitar. And I will have it for years and years. So I SHOULD have a guitar I love, and not one I sort of like, but is different enough to ease my conscience. I'm happy with it. So should the rest of the world. I also felt bad because I got it as Starving, and had a guitar on hold over at Showcase. But that was just me being stupid and scared. I came home, called Showcase up, and told them they no longer needed to keep it on hold. Whatever. Hell be damned. I don't care.
This weekend has lasted an enternity, and I'm not sure how. Friday night I went over to Steph's for the night, which probably had something to do with that. Friday blended into Saturday, which was divided up into 3 parts: coming home, going to Showcase with Kevin, and going to Christina's party. Today was also divided up into getting my guitar at Starving, doing odd errands like buying blankets and frames, and then working on Calculus. AP testing makes me hate life. My civics test is a week from TOMORROW, and my calc test is a week from Wednesday. Five tests are just too much. Cannot function. Too much to do. Explode.
Little Women is contributing to that. WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR?! Our set is kind of depressing, because it's poorly designed. Bill is disappoiting. He fell asleep in rehearsal the other day. And he doesn't give acting notes. The closest he comes is when he looks me, and says "Hm...you're almost there, but I'm not getting some of it," after a run through. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? You suck.
As you'll have noticed by my last post, I finally made a decision as to where to go to college. I made it two days before I turned 18. I'm happy with my decision, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. UCSD is a good school too, but I felt like it was the safe choice. I didn't NOT want to go to UCLA because I was too scared to. San Diego offered comfort in the form of Becky - she would be there, and my parents had already done this stuff before. It wasn't new. But as I am growing up and venturing out into the world, I decided to take a risk. UCLA is different and new, and I'm looking forward to learning and growing there over the next four years.
I've decided that you can't force relationships. So I'm not going to try anymore. I'm just going to do what I do, and if you don't like that, to hell, my dear, with you.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Hey Hamlet, I've got a lot of thoughts too.
Today is the last day of spring break, which explains the 57 Facebook friends being online. I, too, am reluctant to let go of the time off from school. The period between Spring Break and the end of school is notoriously the most painful. There is a oh-come-on-it's-summer feeling in the air. Shorts and skirts make their appearances. Hey, the weather thinks it's summer, so why can't we?
Another reason we don't want to go to school is because we realize that all that spring break homework that was assigned and all that studying we should have done for AP tests HAS NOT been done. I've learned that if you're behind, it makes you less motivated to jump back into the swing of things. Perhaps it's just because of my senioritis, but ever since I got back from festival I've had a nonchalant attitude towards the whole school thing. I've got such a pile of work that it's just easier to walk away from.
But yeah, I probably shouldn't do that.
At least I got to end the weekend with my party, which was fun. Here is a picture from it:
The open-mic night theme was just spontaneous enough to work. There was a lot of people over. It felt like I didn't get to spend much time with them. And I didn't get the best night sleep, either. My bed is so small, and really can't sleep two comfortably, unless they're snuggled up close. And while I like cuddling, sometimes I just want to sleep. Fortunately, this and next week include STAR testing, which is marvelous for seniors like me. I actually get to sleep in on my birthday. I'm excited for that.
I woke up, and did nothing. I guess this set the tone for the entire day, in which I did nothing. After the house emptied, I went to Full Circle Farms for a Sony Star thang, and when I couldn't find anybody I knew and couldn't stand the heat any longer, I called it quits and headed back home. Today was the warmest it's been all year, which probably contributed to my lethargic mood. I decided to have lunch and relax a bit before starting homework. Mostly, I just didn't want to do it. So I watched tv. Because that is what I do. After catching up on an episode of "My Boys," I saw that some remake of Hamlet was still saved on the DVR. So I watched:
It was set in modern times, instead of kings there were CEOs. Denmark was a corporation, and Elsinore was the hotel they lived it. It used Shakespearean language.
It was also awful. Ethan Hawke, who played Hamlet, was one of the worst actors I have ever seen do Shakespeare. Everything had the same monotone drawl. The techniques the filmmakers tried to use were ineffective. Bill Murray played Polonious. Julia Styles played Ophelia. It was so ridiculous, that I can't believe I watched the entire thing.
I should have just stopped watching it when Hamlet was walking through a blockbuster delivering his "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy, but I couldn't turn away. I have an Act 4 character paper due on Tuesday, which is why I thought watching some form of Hamlet would be beneficial. I was wrong. I know that now.
Then I attempted some calculus. When that failed, I tried drinking some leftover homemade-lemonade. Then I attempted some more calculus. Then I threw it out the window.
Before I knew it, it was 9:30. And because I can't go to bed until I've done something [see previous blog entry] I took Kevin's guitar on a walk and showed it the sights and sounds of Sunnyvale suburbia. And instead of stopping at the park like I had intended, I just kept walking. And I started thinking about flowers, mostly because when Ophelia goes mad in Act 4, she starts talking about violets. "That's for remembrance." And then I got tired, and went home.
Today is a UCLA day. Yesterday was a UCSD day. I'm about 10 days away from the SIR date, and I still haven't settled on a school. It's starting to stress me out especially as everyone is proclaiming via Facebook statuses that they have just visited this-or-that campus, and have submitted their SIRs, and are looking for roommates. And I am out on indecision island, just hoping for some sort of clue. I know I'll be happy at either school, but I'll also always have a little bit of regret.
I was going to end this blog with a quote from Hamlet, but I decided I didn't want to be that pretentious. So I'll just say goodnight.
Goodnight.
Another reason we don't want to go to school is because we realize that all that spring break homework that was assigned and all that studying we should have done for AP tests HAS NOT been done. I've learned that if you're behind, it makes you less motivated to jump back into the swing of things. Perhaps it's just because of my senioritis, but ever since I got back from festival I've had a nonchalant attitude towards the whole school thing. I've got such a pile of work that it's just easier to walk away from.
But yeah, I probably shouldn't do that.
At least I got to end the weekend with my party, which was fun. Here is a picture from it:
The open-mic night theme was just spontaneous enough to work. There was a lot of people over. It felt like I didn't get to spend much time with them. And I didn't get the best night sleep, either. My bed is so small, and really can't sleep two comfortably, unless they're snuggled up close. And while I like cuddling, sometimes I just want to sleep. Fortunately, this and next week include STAR testing, which is marvelous for seniors like me. I actually get to sleep in on my birthday. I'm excited for that.
I woke up, and did nothing. I guess this set the tone for the entire day, in which I did nothing. After the house emptied, I went to Full Circle Farms for a Sony Star thang, and when I couldn't find anybody I knew and couldn't stand the heat any longer, I called it quits and headed back home. Today was the warmest it's been all year, which probably contributed to my lethargic mood. I decided to have lunch and relax a bit before starting homework. Mostly, I just didn't want to do it. So I watched tv. Because that is what I do. After catching up on an episode of "My Boys," I saw that some remake of Hamlet was still saved on the DVR. So I watched:
It was set in modern times, instead of kings there were CEOs. Denmark was a corporation, and Elsinore was the hotel they lived it. It used Shakespearean language.
It was also awful. Ethan Hawke, who played Hamlet, was one of the worst actors I have ever seen do Shakespeare. Everything had the same monotone drawl. The techniques the filmmakers tried to use were ineffective. Bill Murray played Polonious. Julia Styles played Ophelia. It was so ridiculous, that I can't believe I watched the entire thing.
I should have just stopped watching it when Hamlet was walking through a blockbuster delivering his "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy, but I couldn't turn away. I have an Act 4 character paper due on Tuesday, which is why I thought watching some form of Hamlet would be beneficial. I was wrong. I know that now.
Then I attempted some calculus. When that failed, I tried drinking some leftover homemade-lemonade. Then I attempted some more calculus. Then I threw it out the window.
Before I knew it, it was 9:30. And because I can't go to bed until I've done something [see previous blog entry] I took Kevin's guitar on a walk and showed it the sights and sounds of Sunnyvale suburbia. And instead of stopping at the park like I had intended, I just kept walking. And I started thinking about flowers, mostly because when Ophelia goes mad in Act 4, she starts talking about violets. "That's for remembrance." And then I got tired, and went home.
Today is a UCLA day. Yesterday was a UCSD day. I'm about 10 days away from the SIR date, and I still haven't settled on a school. It's starting to stress me out especially as everyone is proclaiming via Facebook statuses that they have just visited this-or-that campus, and have submitted their SIRs, and are looking for roommates. And I am out on indecision island, just hoping for some sort of clue. I know I'll be happy at either school, but I'll also always have a little bit of regret.
I was going to end this blog with a quote from Hamlet, but I decided I didn't want to be that pretentious. So I'll just say goodnight.
Goodnight.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Drink up baby, stay up all night.
This break has been relatively low-key, but re-reading old xanga posts makes me want to post an old-school entry in which I just ramble on about what's going on in my life.
Monday and Tuesday I ventured South, and visited UCSD and UCLA. It's the hardest decision I have had to make. And I'm still so completely torn.
I haven't done much exciting, just hanging out and the like. I just got back from Lakewood a while ago. We had a bonfire. There was scary gang-looking people about. Right now I'm waiting for my mom to go to bed so I can ice cream it with Alex. This is taking longer than anticipated! He's been sitting in my car for the last half hour...
My birthday is next week! That is exciting.
May 1st is so soon. Argh.
Monday and Tuesday I ventured South, and visited UCSD and UCLA. It's the hardest decision I have had to make. And I'm still so completely torn.
I haven't done much exciting, just hanging out and the like. I just got back from Lakewood a while ago. We had a bonfire. There was scary gang-looking people about. Right now I'm waiting for my mom to go to bed so I can ice cream it with Alex. This is taking longer than anticipated! He's been sitting in my car for the last half hour...
My birthday is next week! That is exciting.
May 1st is so soon. Argh.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wondering is a step beyond wandering,
I don't think I can sleep until I feel like I've done something worth doing. Something in my brain or body prohibits me from letting myself get ready for bed. Perhaps I'm just in a particular crappy mood, but right now I feel like this day has been pointless. For that and other reasons, I am just not happy right now. And I can't go to bed being unhappy, because that's a terrible way to end a day.
Today I had trouble doing anything. I have a lot of homework, studying, and reading to catch up on, but I can't make myself do it. I wasted time watching tv or fiddling around on the internet. And then it was 10:00. What happened to the day?
And now it's 11:30, and I STILL CAN'T GO TO BED, because I haven't done anything today to make it worth going to bed for.
Does this make sense to anyone else?
Today I had trouble doing anything. I have a lot of homework, studying, and reading to catch up on, but I can't make myself do it. I wasted time watching tv or fiddling around on the internet. And then it was 10:00. What happened to the day?
And now it's 11:30, and I STILL CAN'T GO TO BED, because I haven't done anything today to make it worth going to bed for.
Does this make sense to anyone else?
I should be catching up on my calculus homework.
But I'm not, because it's hard, and I'm a two year old who throws tantrums when things get hard.
Today and tomorrow, my school is experiencing the Every Fifteen Minutes program. I've known this day has been coming for a long time - since the beginning of the year, actually, when I got a pass to SSR one day. I was asked to be a part of the program, to act as the living dead, but turned down the offer because my family couldn't deal with my faked death emotionally. I couldn't either, I guess. I was scared. Every night before I drifted to sleep I would remember the video they showed us at the parent meeting. But I couldn't find any reason NOT to do it, except for the fact that I was terrified, which to me didn't seem to be a good enough reason. My parents wanted to support me, but they couldn't. My dad is more emotional than my mom, and my mom worries. So we backed out. But as a result, I have known for a long time when the program is, and who is taking part in it.
I'm actually grateful for this, because I don't know how I would react if I came to school unknowingly one day to find out my best friend had died. I'm prepared mentally, anyways.
As I was leaving second period to walk to fourth, Alex walked by me, pale make-up and all, staring straight ahead. He kind of caught me off guard, because I wasn't expecting to see him. I said to myself, "Oh. Awkward..." and continued on.
It's going to be an interesting two days. And it's nice to finally be able to tell people.
Today and tomorrow, my school is experiencing the Every Fifteen Minutes program. I've known this day has been coming for a long time - since the beginning of the year, actually, when I got a pass to SSR one day. I was asked to be a part of the program, to act as the living dead, but turned down the offer because my family couldn't deal with my faked death emotionally. I couldn't either, I guess. I was scared. Every night before I drifted to sleep I would remember the video they showed us at the parent meeting. But I couldn't find any reason NOT to do it, except for the fact that I was terrified, which to me didn't seem to be a good enough reason. My parents wanted to support me, but they couldn't. My dad is more emotional than my mom, and my mom worries. So we backed out. But as a result, I have known for a long time when the program is, and who is taking part in it.
I'm actually grateful for this, because I don't know how I would react if I came to school unknowingly one day to find out my best friend had died. I'm prepared mentally, anyways.
As I was leaving second period to walk to fourth, Alex walked by me, pale make-up and all, staring straight ahead. He kind of caught me off guard, because I wasn't expecting to see him. I said to myself, "Oh. Awkward..." and continued on.
It's going to be an interesting two days. And it's nice to finally be able to tell people.
Monday, April 6, 2009
80 Years of Thespians
Today, I returned from my last Thespian Festival. Although it ended with a flat tire and misdirected route, it was still an amazing trip. It was our troupe's most successful year, as many techies placed in their respective categories, two actors and a couple of techies made it into all state, three actors got IE callbacks, and one placed 2nd in solo musical theater.
I did indeed get into All State, so I got about 9 hours of sleep for the entire weekend. It was fun though, especially since Alex was in my act. I also got a callback for my IE, which I was not expecting at all. It means that I placed 1st or 2nd in my room, of which there were three. Only ten people got IE callbacks for solo musical theater out of at least 100. So that's pretty cool. Alex won 2nd, and I'm really happy for him. He deserved it.
Disneyland was also fun, even though my feet hurt before even walking to the tram to enter the park. And we met up with Blake! Disneyland is always magical.
I have so much homework.
And I'm getting a strange feeling.
I'm not sure what it is yet.
I'll keep you posted.
I did indeed get into All State, so I got about 9 hours of sleep for the entire weekend. It was fun though, especially since Alex was in my act. I also got a callback for my IE, which I was not expecting at all. It means that I placed 1st or 2nd in my room, of which there were three. Only ten people got IE callbacks for solo musical theater out of at least 100. So that's pretty cool. Alex won 2nd, and I'm really happy for him. He deserved it.
Disneyland was also fun, even though my feet hurt before even walking to the tram to enter the park. And we met up with Blake! Disneyland is always magical.
I have so much homework.
And I'm getting a strange feeling.
I'm not sure what it is yet.
I'll keep you posted.
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