I should be catching up on my calculus homework.

But I'm not, because it's hard, and I'm a two year old who throws tantrums when things get hard.

Today and tomorrow, my school is experiencing the Every Fifteen Minutes program. I've known this day has been coming for a long time - since the beginning of the year, actually, when I got a pass to SSR one day. I was asked to be a part of the program, to act as the living dead, but turned down the offer because my family couldn't deal with my faked death emotionally. I couldn't either, I guess. I was scared. Every night before I drifted to sleep I would remember the video they showed us at the parent meeting. But I couldn't find any reason NOT to do it, except for the fact that I was terrified, which to me didn't seem to be a good enough reason. My parents wanted to support me, but they couldn't. My dad is more emotional than my mom, and my mom worries. So we backed out. But as a result, I have known for a long time when the program is, and who is taking part in it.

I'm actually grateful for this, because I don't know how I would react if I came to school unknowingly one day to find out my best friend had died. I'm prepared mentally, anyways.

As I was leaving second period to walk to fourth, Alex walked by me, pale make-up and all, staring straight ahead. He kind of caught me off guard, because I wasn't expecting to see him. I said to myself, "Oh. Awkward..." and continued on.

It's going to be an interesting two days. And it's nice to finally be able to tell people.